


but i've made up my mind

by annemari



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: M/M, Pining, Sickfic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-07-06
Updated: 2015-07-06
Packaged: 2018-04-08 01:45:45
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 9,252
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4285917
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/annemari/pseuds/annemari
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>
  <i>"Why didn't you tell us you were feeling worse?" Liam asks.</i>
</p>
<p>
  <i>"I was fine during the show," Niall says.</i>
</p>
<p>
  <i>"Here," says Harry. "I got you a blanket."</i>
</p>
<p>
  <i>It's a proper big blanket that'll cover all of Niall's body, not like Louis's makeshift hoodie blanket. Louis stares at it bitterly.</i>
</p>
<p>Niall is sick. Louis offers to look after him.</p>
            </blockquote>





	but i've made up my mind

**Author's Note:**

> This was inspired by the Oslo show. Luckily, rl!Niall never seemed this badly off. :D 
> 
> Thanks so much to manderkat for betaing! Title from James Bay's "Scars", because duh.

Niall's been coughing steadily for half an hour now. Louis can tell he's trying to be discreet about it, but it's not really working.

It's definitely not working on Liam.

"Are you _sure_ you're okay to sing?" Liam asks again. "We can take some of your solos."

"I'm fine," Niall says, rubbing his chest. "I can sing fine. It's just my chest that hurts."

Liam looks even more worried now. Louis can't stand to see it. He puts his phone away and gets up from the sofa to provide Liam with some moral support.

He leans against Liam's side and gives Niall a calculating look. He looks paler than usual, even under the powder Lou put on his face.

"Tommo, what do you think?" Liam asks him.

Louis shrugs. "You do sound worse than last time," he tells Niall.

"Thanks," Niall says, looking hurt.

Louis sighs. "I obviously didn't mean it like that."

"We're just worried," Liam says.

"I know," Niall says. "But I'm good, alright? I can do the show."

His face looks pinched and tired. Louis can tell Liam's getting ready for an earnest rebuttal, so he claps him on the shoulder.

"Well if he says he's fine, he's fine," Louis says. "Stop bothering him, Liam."

"Hey, I thought you were on my side," Liam says.

"Never," Louis says, and winks at Niall. The corner of Niall's mouth twitches up. Mission accomplished, then.

The thing is, Louis knows Niall hates being a bother to anyone. It's a hard line to walk sometimes.

"I just hoped he'd feel better by now," Liam tells Louis once Niall's off talking to Dan and out of earshot.

"I know," Louis says. "Me too. You know how he gets when you worry too much, though."

Liam frowns sadly. "Yeah, I know."

Louis squeezes his shoulder. "He'll be fine. Come on, let's go annoy Paddy."

Louis will just worry in secret.

~

They're all preparing to go on stage when Louis spots Niall ducking away from a Harry who is clearly trying to feel his forehead for his temperature. He hides his smile behind his hand, feeling fond. Niall just looks so grumpy about it, bless him.

Truthfully, he wants to go over and do same thing, make sure Niall's been drinking enough water, ask him if he needs anything. 

It's just, he's been actively trying to not make things weird after the whole...incident last month. He thinks Niall's been trying, too. It seems to be working pretty well, at least.

Sure, he might slip up sometimes and look at Niall with too much fondness on stage, but he hopes Niall can't see it under the bright lights of the stadium. It'd be well embarrassing, being caught at that.

It's fine, though. Louis has it under control.

"You do realise you're staring, right?" Lottie asks.

Louis jumps, startled. "Don't sneak up on people like that, god, Lotts."

"I've been standing here for like five minutes."

"Shut it," Louis says. "And I was not staring. I just forgot what I was supposed to do."

"Because you were _staring_ ," Lottie says. "At Niall." She says the last part in a whisper.

"I don't know what you're talking about."

She rolls her eyes. "Give it up. I have eyes, you know."

"Yeah, well, go use them to moon over Harry or something."

She gives him a deeply unimpressed look.

He sighs and looks down, fiddling with his shirt. He hadn't realised anyone had noticed. Lottie's more perceptive than most, though, and she's known him for all her life. Still. "It's not obvious, is it?" he asks in a whisper.

She shrugs. "Maybe it's not obvious _enough_."

He narrows his eyes at her. "What?"

"You should make a move," Lottie says, voice hushed. "Tell him you want to snog him senseless and all that."

"Oh my god," Louis says. "Don't talk like that."

Lottie rolls her eyes again. "Whatever, you should tell him."

Louis swallows hard. "I have to go on stage," he says.

"Louis!" Liam calls right then. "Come on, let's go."

Louis blinks, eyes wide. He didn't think that would work.

"Well, break a leg," Lottie says. "Don't break Liam's leg, though, please. I don't want to see Sophia murder you."

"No promises," Louis says, and gives her a quick kiss on the cheek.

They have a show to do. Lottie doesn't know what she's talking about anyway.

~

The show is a ridiculous amount of fun. 

Louis spends most of it messing with Liam, both of them absolutely soaking by the end of it. They've taken more care this time to keep Niall out of the line of the fire, but he seems amused by their antics. He looks to be in a good mood all around, grinning at everyone and making it absolutely impossible for Louis not to smile back whenever he catches his eye.

There's an odd moment when they're chatting before "Don't Forget Where You Belong" when they're talking about Niall's chest infection and Louis reaches out and rubs Niall's chest like a fucking idiot.

Niall doesn't seem taken aback, though, or even annoyed, so Louis ignores his own freak-out about it and goes to throw more water at Liam.

It's just, after what Lottie said he really doesn't want to be obvious. He's been good for so long now, he doesn't want to make it awkward and have Niall realise that Louis is just a bit hung up. Just a tad. Maybe.

There are just times when it's really hard to look at Niall while he's singing and not think about kissing him.

It's not that Louis doesn't have experience with dealing with that, but it was easier to handle before he knew what kissing Niall was actually like.

He'd been asking himself that question for possibly more than a year now, what would kissing Niall be like? The answer: amazing.

Amazing even though they were both drunk and a bit out of it, tired from partying and clubbing and then partying some more.

It was fucking amazing.

Louis can still recall the feeling of warmth spreading from his fingertips to his toes, his heart ready to burst. That feeling of getting something you never thought you could have.

And then the next day they both pretended that it hadn't happened, and Louis tried to ignore the feeling that something inside him he was slowly crumbling to pieces.

He'd just sort of—he'd hoped. That kind of hope where you think your football team might have a chance, and they eventually manage to get into the lead, and your heart leaps, and then the other team comes and gets one back immediately. It was sort of like that.

A bit worse, maybe, because Niall was a lot more important than football, really.

But at least Louis hadn't lost anything. He hadn't ruined his friendship with Niall by being drunk and stupid and impulsive. At least Niall still smiled at him the same.

All in all, Louis doesn't really have much to complain about.

He catches Niall's eye during his solo in "Through The Dark", right after he's chucked massive amounts of water at Liam, and grins. Niall smiles back at him, and if it tugs at something inside Louis's belly then, well, he can live with that.

~

They pile off the stage together, a sweaty, excited, and—in Liam and Louis's case—soaked mess.

"Oh my god," Liam says. "I wasn't this wet the last time I went _swimming_."

"I think you're doing swimming wrong," Louis says.

"I think you're a monster," Liam says. 

Louis takes it as a compliment. He can see that Liam's smiling, anyway. He decides to ignore him all the same.

"Good show, lads," he says, clapping Harry and Niall on the back. "I'm going to go dry off now, for some strange reason I'm soaking wet? Have no idea what happened."

Harry snorts. He's smiling serenely, his hair a loose mess of curls, body relaxed like he always is after a show. 

"You forgot something," he says.

"Forgot what?"

"You forgot," Harry says, "that me and Dan are the wheelbarrow champions. I haven't heard any congratulations, yet."

"What are you talking about?" Louis asks. "We won."

"We didn't win," Liam says.

"Did you or did you not have the best fucking time falling on your face in front of all those people?" Louis asks.

"Well," Liam says.

"That means we won," Louis says. "Take that, Harold."

"That's not how winning works," Harry says.

"Everyone's a winner," Louis says. "Except you because we won."

"I won Powerade to the face," Liam grumbles.

"Sport won," Louis says. "No, that's shit. We won. Right, Niall?"

"Huh?" Niall says. "Oh, yeah. Sure."

"See," Louis says. "We won, because Niall says so."

"What Niall says goes," Liam agrees.

"Perfect," Louis says. "I'm going to go take a fucking shower."

"Me too," Liam says.

"But will you be wetter now or in the shower?" Harry asks Liam.

"Oh, piss off," Liam says, and shoves Harry playfully, grinning.

Louis cackles and takes off on a run towards the showers. He really loves his boys.

~

Louis steps into his dressing room still towelling off his hair, and comes to a stop.

It's mostly empty, save for all his things thrown around the place. And Niall curled up on the sofa.

He's fast asleep, arms crossed over his chest and his knees pulled up. Louis takes a quiet step back and looks at the sign on the door. No, it's definitely his dressing room.

He drops the towel on a nearby table and slowly walks closer to Niall. He's still wearing his stage t-shirt, and seems to be shivering lightly.

Louis frowns, worried now. "Niall?" When Niall doesn't move at that he steps closer and crouches in front of the sofa. "Hey. Nialler."

Niall makes a "hmph" noise and slowly blinks his eyes open.

"Hey," Louis says softly. "What are you doing here, then?"

Niall looks exhausted, his gaze unfocused and eyes glassy. "What?"

"I asked why you're in my dressing room," Louis says. "What, couldn't find your own?" he adds lightly.

Niall closes his eyes again. "Came to find you."

"Why?" Louis asks, confused.

Niall doesn't answer. "It's cold," he says finally.

He still has his eyes closed, so Louis takes the chance and feels his forehead.

"Niall," he says sadly. "You're burning up."

Niall grumbles, his brow furrowing. "'M cold." He coughs as if to illustrate his point.

"Alright," Louis says, and gently rubs at his arm. "I'll get you a blanket."

He can't find one immediately so he grabs one of his bigger hoodies and drapes it over Niall instead.

"How's that? Better?"

"Mm," Niall mumbles. "It's warm. Smells good."

It probably smells like cigarette smoke and old sweat, but Louis isn't going to argue with him. Especially when he looks so pitiful.

"When did you start feeling so poorly then?" Louis asks. He thought Niall had seemed better during the show.

"Don't know," Niall says. "After the show? Probably just tired. Just need to close my eyes for a minute."

"Your eyes are already closed," Louis says fondly. "And you have a fever. We should probably get someone to take a look at you."

"I'm fine," Niall says, and starts coughing again.

Louis frowns and reaches out to brush Niall's hair back from his forehead. He realises what he's doing at the last moment and stops, hand hovering. Lottie's words echo in his head. Shit, he's too obvious.

"I'm going to call Liam," he says, and stands up fast. "We'll get you sorted out."

Niall gives a quiet whimper and pulls Louis's hoodie closer to him.

Louis takes out his phone and ignores the way his stomach clenches at the sight.

~

Liam's sitting next to Niall on the sofa, gently petting his hair. Louis tries desperately to not feel jealous. That would honestly be a new low.

"Why didn't you tell us you were feeling worse?" Liam asks.

"I was fine during the show," Niall says.

"Here," says Harry. "I got you a blanket."

It's a proper big blanket that'll cover all of Niall's body, not like Louis's makeshift hoodie blanket. Louis stares at it bitterly.

"Thanks," Niall says. Harry pauses for a moment, then spreads the blanket over him, leaving the hoodie there. He glances over at Louis, face curious. Louis ignores him. Stupid Harry and his fancy blanket.

"Still," Liam says. "You should've said."

"It's fine," Niall mumbles. "I'll sleep it off. Just really tired."

"You have a temperature," Liam says.

"That's good, though," Harry says. "It means his body is fighting the infection."

"It's not good that he _has_ an infection," Louis says, exasperated. "Jesus fuck, Harold."

"Too loud," Niall says, face scrunched up.

"Sorry," Louis whispers. "Jesus fuck, Harold."

Niall laughs at that, but it fades away into a cough. Liam frowns and strokes his back. Louis is one hundred percent not jealous.

"I'm just saying, a fever's not, like, a bad thing," Harry says. "His is pretty high, though."

"You need to look after yourself," Liam tells Niall. "Do you have anyone else at your house right now?"

"No," Niall says. "Willie's on holiday."

Liam looks up at the rest of them. "Maybe someone should go stay with him for the night?"

Louis finds himself saying, "I can do it." He kind of wants to punch himself in the face immediately after, but it's true. He can do it. It might not be a _good_ idea, what with his apparent "being totally fucking obvious" problem, but it's not like Niall has noticed yet.

It makes sense for it to be him, too. He doesn't have any plans for the night. Doesn't have anyone to go home to. It's just logical.

"I mean, I could do it, too," Harry says.

Louis squints at him. "Aren't you going to Nick's?"

Harry shrugs, but he's smiling. "I could cancel? Nick would understand. He's great like that."

"Ugh," Louis says. "You're disgusting. It's fine, I'll go. Someone has to make sure he doesn't die."

"He's not going to _die_ ," Liam says.

"Well, of course he's not," Louis says. "Like I said, I'll make _sure_ of that."

Liam sighs. "He just needs someone to look after him and help him out and stuff."

"I know," Louis says, rolling his eyes.

"Get him his meds, and make tea, and soup, and—"

"I know how to look after someone who's poorly!" Louis says, indignant.

Harry shushes them both. "He's fallen asleep."

They all peer at Niall. He's snuffling quietly, his brow furrowed and nose twitching. Louis tries to not find it cute and fails spectacularly.

"We have to leave for the plane in, like, five minutes," Liam says regretfully.

"Well, he can sleep on the plane," Louis says, though he knows how Liam feels. "I mean it, though. I can look after him fine."

"No, I know you can," Liam says immediately. "I know."

"Alright," Louis says, mollified.

Harry pats his shoulder. "You'll do great."

"Now I just feel like you're being patronising," Louis says.

"Only a little bit," Harry says.

"Boys," Alberto calls from the door. "We have to go."

"In a second!" Louis calls back.

Niall startles awake at that, blinking rapidly. "We're leaving?"

"Yeah, in a minute," Liam says. "Hey, we discussed it, and Louis's going to come watch over you tonight. Is that okay?"

For a horrible moment Louis is afraid Niall's going to say no.

"Yeah," Niall says softly. "Okay."

"Great," Liam says. He gives Louis a relieved smile. "That's sorted, then."

Louis takes in a deep breath. Right. He can totally do this.

~

Niall has a rotten time on the plane, mostly drifting in and out of sleep, shivering under a load of blankets.

He seems better once they've landed, though, more alert, and annoyed by the attention he's getting.

"I'm fine," he tells Louis as Louis follows him into the car.

"Of course you are," Louis says. "Put your seatbelt on."

Niall rolls his eyes. "Why do you all think I need looking after, anyway?"

"You don't need looking after," Louis says. He mostly means it. Niall's not a kid, he can handle himself. "It's just that you're sick, and we want to help. Make it easier for you. It's what friends do, innit?"

Niall sighs. "Alright," he says moodily.

There's quiet for a while. The car pulls out onto the road, the night dark and calm around them.

"It was a good show tonight," Louis says.

"I sounded like shit," Niall says frankly.

"What?" Louis asks, surprised. "No, you didn't. What are you talking about?"

Niall gives him a tired look.

"You sounded like you were _sick_ ," Louis says. "And barely that, Niall, you know you sound good."

Niall worries at his lip, looking away.

"Hey," Louis says. "You know I wouldn't lie to you about this. You did good tonight."

"Alright," Niall says eventually.

"Okay, then," Louis says, still feeling a bit wrong-footed.

"Think I'm going to sleep," Niall says, and sinks lower in his seat.

"Yeah, of course," Louis says. "I'll just—" He takes out his phone and waves it around. "You rest."

Niall lets out a long breath and closes his eyes. Louis looks at him for a moment before turning to his phone.

If he keeps sneaking glances at Niall while he's sleeping, then, well, there's no one around to see.

~

Louis knows he's pretty damn good at looking after people. It doesn't really come up often, but he likes to think it's one of his good qualities as a friend, and, like, a person.

The thing is, he had a plan and everything, so he's not really sure what to do when Niall just tells him he's going to go to bed.

"Do you not want any soup?" Louis asks. "Tea?"

"It's two am," Niall says. "And I'm really fucking tired. Not hungry, either."

"Oh," Louis says. "Yeah, okay. Shit, you have a fever anyway, why am I offering you soup?" He puts his hands on Niall's shoulders and directs him towards his bedroom. He's a master at going with the flow, he is. "Off to bed with you, then."

"I can find it myself," Niall says, sounding tired, but maybe also a bit amused. "It's my house."

"No one likes a show-off, Neil," Louis says. Niall laughs, but it comes out scratchy. "Are you taking any meds for your throat?"

"Not right now," Niall says. "It isn't that bad."

"Well, you should take something for the fever," Louis says. "Should I get you a paracetamol?"

"Sure, thanks," Niall says, and sits down on the bed.

He's already undressed and under the covers when Louis comes back with the paracetamol.

"Here," Louis says, and hands him the pills and a glass of water.

Niall's even managed to fold up his jeans and put them away. Louis is impressed, and also a bit lost.

"Should I stay in the guest room?" he asks after Niall's swallowed his pills.

"Yeah, sure," Niall says. "I think I changed the sheets after the last time someone was over, so it's all ready."

"Of course you did," Louis says. "Well, I'll just go then?"

Niall makes an affirmative sound and lies down, pulling the covers up to his ear.

"Right," Louis says. "Well, uh, sleep well."

"You too," Niall mumbles. "Good night."

Louis shifts his weight from one foot to the other. Then he goes and refills Niall's glass of water. Niall seems to already be asleep. Louis watches him for a moment, making sure he's breathing and all, and then goes to the guest room.

Liam's already texted him. _how's niall holding up?_

_don't know what I'm doing here to be honest_ , Louis sends back. _he took a paracetamol and went to bed. Seems fine!_

_that's good!!_ Liam says.

_Well_ , Louis thinks. Yes, it is, he supposes.

He looks around the familiar guest room. He's stayed over a few times before, after they've been up writing for too long with Julian, or when Niall's house has seemed closer than his. Sometimes after he's been around for a BBQ. It's a nice room. Niall puts care into every aspect of his home. It's always comfortable, being here.

He sighs, and climbs into bed. He's not tired at all, still riding a post-concert high.

He pulls his knees up, opens Instagram on his phone, and tries to not think about the fact that this is the first time he's been over at Niall's since they kissed.

~

The thing about the kiss itself is that Louis can't stop fucking thinking about it.

He was so pissed that night he shouldn't even remember it, but through some cruel twist of fate it's as clear in his mind now as when it happened.

They'd taken the same car back to their hotel after going out to a party together. There were other people there, too, but all Louis can remember is the way Niall's thigh was pressed against his. Niall's flushed face, and how he couldn't stop giggling quietly.

Louis had been thinking about kissing him for the whole night.

It was unfair, really, how hot Niall looked then. It was horribly unfair how he looked better to Louis every fucking day. There were times when Louis couldn't stop himself from reaching out to touch—Niall's chest during an interview, his face; wrapping an easy arm around his waist backstage before shows. He always managed to turn it teasing at the very last second, but it was still becoming a problem. He should've been over Niall. It'd been months and months, though, and it wasn't going anywhere.

They'd stumbled out of the car, Louis being as obnoxiously loud as he could to ignore the way his heart did little leaps every time he looked Niall's way. This part Louis doesn't remember as clearly, but somehow he'd accidentally ended up in Niall's hotel room instead of his own, sprawled across Niall's bed.

"You going to stay here?" Niall asked. He was leaning against the door, his face flushed.

"The bed's big enough, isn't it?" Louis asked.

"Might be," Niall said. "God, I'm so drunk."

Louis was, too. The room was maybe spinning. "You flying back home tomorrow?"

"Yeah," Niall said. "You staying?"

"For a bit," Louis said. "Going back to LA. You're doing that golf thing, aren't you?"

"Yeah," Niall said, and walked over to the bed. Louis scooted over to make room for him. He thought it was very kind of him, really. He hoped Niall appreciated the gesture.

Niall just flopped down on the bed, and smushed his face in a pillow. His hair was a mess, sticking up in places. His white t-shirt was stretched over his shoulders. Louis wanted to touch the small of his back. God, he was fucked.

"I'm shitting myself," Niall said.

Louis blinked. "What, literally?"

"About the golf thing," Niall said. "Like, I'm fucking excited, you know, but I'm bloody terrified, too."

Louis had it on the tip of his tongue, the "Oh no, Niall," the thing he was supposed to say right now. Niall looked tired, and hot, and so Niall, though.

"Do you want a good luck kiss?" Louis asked instead.

Niall huffed out a laugh, his shoulders shaking. Good. It was a joke, after all.

"I'm being absolutely serious," Louis said. His eyes were crossing, he was so exhausted, but getting Niall to cheer up was a priority, always. "I mean, I don't think you need one, but—"

"Are you offering?" Niall asked. He had shifted closer to Louis on the bed.

"No," Louis said. "I'm going to call Liam in here and have him do it."

Niall laughed. His face was so red. Louis wanted to reach out and touch his cheek.

"So Liam's a better kisser than you, then?" Niall asked, voice teasing.

Louis gasped dramatically. "How dare you, Neil?"

Niall's eyes squinted up as he laughed. Louis was so drunk. That's what that feeling in his stomach was. Just him being drunk.

He pushed himself up on one elbow. He was leaning into Niall's space before he realised.

"I'm a fantastic kisser," he said.

"Sure," Niall agreed. He'd gone a bit cross-eyed. Louis was almost sure Niall was looking at his mouth.

Louis was going to say something else, but he couldn't remember what. He met Niall's eyes, paused for a second, and then the next thing he knew he had pressed his lips to Niall's.

When he pulled back he felt like his chest might burst.

"Huh," Niall said.

"There," Louis said. His voice was shaking. "Told you."

"Yeah," Niall said, and leaned back in.

They must have fallen asleep between one kiss and the next.

Louis sighs and rests his phone against his forehead. Sometimes he wonders if Niall remembers that night at all. He'd almost brought it up himself the next morning, ready to make a joke of it, but Niall had been in a hurry to get to the airport, and Louis had felt too shaky and hungover to think of exactly what to say.

It had been slightly awkward, but it hadn't lasted long, at least; both of them seeming determined to not make it into a thing. It was working fine. If only Louis could stop bloody thinking about it.

He huffs out a breath and checks the time; he's been fucking around on his phone, waiting for sleep for almost an hour now. He can feel his eyelids finally starting to get heavier.

There's a horribly loud thump from Niall's bedroom. Louis drops his phone and runs.

Niall's sitting on the floor near the foot of his bed, looking confused.

"I fell," he says.

"What do you mean you _fell_?" Louis asks.

"I feel dizzy," Niall says.

"Oh my god," Louis says. His heart is beating so fast. "Fuck, are you alright? Did you hurt yourself?"

"I don't think so," Niall says. "I got up, and then I felt dizzy."

"Of course you're dizzy, you have a fever and you're probably fucking dehydrated," Louis says. "Did you hit your head? Does anything hurt?"

Niall shakes his head slowly.

"Okay," Louis says, taking a calming breath. Fuck, he can't remember the last time he moved so fast. "Let's get you off the floor, then. Okay? Or do you want to stay there?"

"No," Niall says, brow furrowing. "Not really."

"Okay," Louis says. He grabs hold of Niall's arms and hauls him up. Niall sways dangerously, so Louis wraps an arm around his waist, the other steadying him from the front, palm flat against Niall's stomach.

"There you go," he says, as Niall leans against him. "You alright? Does anything hurt now?"

"No," Niall says, shaking his head again. "Just my chest, a bit."

"Okay," Louis says. He grips Niall's waist tight and walks him the few steps to the bed. "Here, sit down."

He deposits Niall on the bed, making sure he doesn't tip over or something. Niall blinks up at him with tired eyes. Louis presses the back of his hand against Niall's forehead. "You feel hotter than before," he says, frowning.

"Feel worse," Niall says.

Louis worries at his lip. "Why did you even get up?"

"I wanted some water."

"Well why didn't you call me?" Louis asks, exasperated. "It's why I'm here, innit?"

Niall sighs. "I can get my own water."

"God," Louis says. "You're such a stubborn shit. The least I could do is get you fucking water."

"It's the middle of the night," Niall says. "I didn't want to bother you."

Louis groans. "I wasn't even asleep, you idiot. God, just, wait here."

He grabs Niall's empty glass from the bedside table and goes to fill it. His hands shake just a bit from the adrenaline.

When he comes back Niall's curled up on top of the covers, one foot dangling over the edge of the bed.

"Hey," Louis says, touching his shoulder. "Got you the water."

Niall takes a deep breath and pushes himself up again. His eyes are blurry and his face is coated with a sheen of sweat. He downs the water slowly, staring off into space as he does.

"Want any more?" Louis asks when he's done.

Niall shakes his head.

Louis puts the glass on the table and crosses his arms.

"Sorry I called you an idiot," he says. "Just, you really scared me."

Niall shrugs. He looks miserable. "It's fine."

"Aw, babe," Louis says. "But you're not fine, are you?"

Niall laughs mirthlessly. "I really felt better earlier. And now I feel like absolute shit."

Louis makes a sympathetic sound. "You should get back in bed. Hopefully the fever will go down during the night."

"Yeah, maybe," Niall says. He rubs a hand over his face. "Fuck, my head hurts. It's so hot."

"Do you still feel dizzy?" Louis asks.

"No," Niall says. "Not anymore."

Louis breathes out in relief. "That's good," he says. "Do you think you'd like a cold compress?"

Niall makes a face at that. "I don't know. No?"

"Well, let me try something," Louis says. He goes and wets a flannel and wrings it out until it's just slightly damp.

"What are you doing?" Niall asks, when he gets back.

"Nothing," Louis says. He pauses for a second, then places a hand on the back of Niall's neck. "Close your eyes."

Niall shuts his eyes, and tips his head back. Something warm swells in Louis's belly. He gently wipes the flannel over Niall's face, taking care to not apply too much pressure.

"How's that?" he asks after he's done. "Better?"

Niall slowly blinks his eyes open and looks right at Louis. "Yeah," he says. "Thanks."

"Right," Louis says. He drops the flannel and clears his throat. "Want to try to go back to sleep?"

"Might as well," Niall says, and scoots back on the bed. Louis helps him back under the covers, and stands back, fiddling with his hands. Niall's face is still all flushed.

"Do you want a lighter duvet?" Louis asks. He's not sure where to find one, but he's sure he'll come up with something.

"No," Niall says. "This is fine."

"Different pillow?"

Niall cracks a smile at that. "It's fine. Thanks."

"Alright," Louis says. He takes the flannel back to the bathroom, refills Niall's glass of water, then goes and finds a water bottle and sets that next to it on the nightstand. "Right. This time if you need anything then fucking call me, okay. If you don't want to shout then use your phone or something." 

He pushes the phone closer to Niall on the nightstand, then frowns and moves it to the other side of the bed entirely.

"Water's on one side, phone's on the other. That okay?"

Niall's eyes are already closed. "Yeah."

Louis crouches in front of the bed. "Niall. Promise you'll let me know if you need anything. It'll look really bad if you try to get up on your own, fall down, hit your head, and bleed to death while I'm in the next room."

"Liam wouldn't be very impressed," Niall mumbles.

Louis smiles. "Promise me, please. If you need anything, okay. Absolutely anything."

Niall opens his eyes slowly and meets Louis's gaze. "Okay," he says after a pause. "I promise."

Something in Louis's chest loosens just a bit. "Good," he says. "Good."

~

Niall wakes up several times during the night, feverish and restless. Louis gets the first text only about forty-five minutes after he leaves Niall's bedroom. 

_can you pls come over? [sad emoji]_

Louis brings him more water, some digestives, and carries over a different duvet from another guest room when Niall's gets too warm for him.

Niall's fever breaks at some point in the early morning. He sweats through his sleep shirt so Louis gets him a new one and helps him change into it. It's a relief to feel that Niall's forehead is a lot cooler.

He helps Niall to the bathroom and back, too, hovering just near enough to catch him in case he stumbles, and waiting right outside the door. It's possible he might be a bit of a worrier.

"Feeling better?" Louis asks once Niall's back in bed.

"Yeah," Niall says. "Think I'm going to sleep for a while now."

Louis looks at the time. It's nearly eight in the morning. "Yeah," he says softly. "You do that."

He hasn't gotten more than a couple of fifteen-minute increments here and there himself. Sleep sounds fucking wonderful right now.

"Can you do that thing with the wet flannel again?" Niall asks.

"Oh," Louis says, surprised. "Yeah, sure."

Niall doesn't sit up when Louis gets back with it, so Louis just kneels in front of the bed and carefully wipes his face. He assumed Niall would've washed his own face in the bathroom, but maybe he's still too tired for it.

Niall lets out a content sigh after Louis's done. "Thanks. Feels so much better."

"Good," Louis says, pleased. "Get some rest, okay?"

"Yeah," Niall says. He turns on his side, and smushes half his face in the pillow, his eyes closed. "Thanks, Lou. 'M glad you're here."

"Oh, are you?" Louis teases. "Thought you didn't need anyone to look after you."

Niall smiles at that. "I'm glad you're here," he says again, muffled against the pillow. "Glad it's you."

Louis swallows against a lump in his throat. He reaches out and carefully brushes Niall's hair back from his forehead, trails his fingers over the side of Niall's face.

Niall breathes out softly. "Love you," he mumbles.

Louis freezes.

He doesn't mean it like that. He doesn't, he doesn't, Louis _knows_ he doesn't. Niall tells people he loves them every fucking day.

Niall's breathing has turned slow and steady when Louis can focus again. He's already asleep.

Louis stumbles to his feet and hurries out of the room.

It doesn't mean anything. Just because he wants it to doesn't mean it does.

He curls up in the bed in Niall's guest room and wraps his arms around himself. He really needs to get a hold of himself, it's getting quite embarrassing.

It's just—well, it's Niall, isn't it.

He curses himself, closes his eyes, and waits for sleep to come.

~

Niall's already in the kitchen when Louis drags himself out of bed in the early afternoon.

"Are you making breakfast?" Louis asks. "Please tell me you're joking."

"I'm feeling a lot better," Niall says happily. "It's only toast. I put some on the plate for you there."

He's changed into tracksuit bottoms and a different t-shirt. He does look a lot better, if still a bit peaky. Louis swallows hard.

"Actually," he says. "If you're feeling alright then I should probably get out of your hair and all."

"Oh," Niall says. He looks away quickly, but Louis still catches a glimpse of his face falling. Fuck. He didn't mean to do _that_.

"But I can stay for breakfast," he says. "Or, like, lunch. I mean, I doubt you could eat all this by yourself, and I am starving."

"You don't have to," Niall says. "I'm probably boring to be around right now anyway."

Louis sighs, and takes the plate Niall pointed him at. "Shut your fucking mouth," he says. "You're poorly. And you don't have to be entertaining for people to want to spend time with you. That's ridiculous."

Niall gives him a look. "Do you take your own advice?"

Louis points a fork at him. "Shut the fuck up. And eat your fucking toastie."

Niall smiles at that. Louis's stomach swoops slightly. He tries to ignore it.

It turns out Niall's still not really that hungry, so Louis ends up eating more than his fair share. He sprawls out on Niall's sofa after, groaning.

"Are you trying to murder me, Horan?" he asks, dramatically clutching his stomach.

Niall yawns. "Maybe."

Louis squints at him. He's leaning against the doorway, looking tired again. They checked his temperature earlier and he only had the slightest fever. It doesn't mean he'll magically feel a hundred percent better, though. 

"You should get some rest," Louis tells him.

"Yeah," Niall says. "I think I will."

"I'll leave as soon as I can move again," Louis promises.

Niall frowns. "You don't have to go."

Louis taps his fingers against his stomach. "You like having some time to yourself, though. I'll be back to annoying you in a few days."

Niall makes an annoyed face. "Fine," he says.

"I mean," Louis says, feeling unsure. "You'll be okay, right?"

"Of course," Niall says. "You can let yourself out, right?"

"Sure," Louis says.

"Alright," Niall says. "See you at the next show, then. Thanks for coming and all. You didn't have to."

"I wanted to," Louis says weakly. He never really knows how to handle Niall when he gets all sour; doesn't know what to say to make it better. Usually he just lets Niall be for a while.

"Well, thanks," Niall says, and heads off towards his bedroom.

Louis sighs and runs a hand over his face. Well, he somehow fucked that one up without even realising. Fucking great.

He really does feel too full to move at the moment, though, so he pulls out his phone to waste a few minutes before he leaves.

Harry'd texted him early that morning. _How's Niall feeling today?_

_A lot better!_ Louis says. _Made us breakfast and everything, the idiot. Think I'm going home soon._

_:// did he ask you to leave?_

Louis furrows his brow. _no??_

_Does he want you to leave?_

_I don't know,_ Louis says. _he's going back to bed, bit pointless for me to just hang around, right?_

_You should ask him. Maybe he wants you to stay._

Louis frowns. _he wasn't that thrilled with me being over yesterday even!_

Or, well, at least at the beginning of the night. Minor details, though. The point is, Niall doesn't need Louis to hang around any longer, and he'll probably get more rest when he's not worrying about making food for the both of them and how clean his sheets are and whatever the hell else.

_You should still ask him,_ Harry says. _You never know._

_yeah well what the fuck do YOU know harold,_ Louis sends back, feeling peeved.

_I know things :)_

Louis rolls his eyes. _like fucking what?_

_I know you kissed_ , Harry says.

Louis drops his phone.

It bounces off his stomach and lands on the floor. Louis scrambles for it, properly shaken.

_how do you know that???_

_Niall told me._

Louis claps a hand over his mouth to muffle his yell.

_why would he tell you that?? I wasn't even fucking sure if he remembered it!!_

_he definitely remembers... :(_

_the fuck's with the sad face???_

Harry takes a while to answer, the three dots appearing and disappearing again. Louis rests the phone against his forehead, and squeezes his eyes shut. He can't believe Niall told Harry.

He thought they'd both just ignore it forever, keep it between them as that one stupid thing that happened once that didn't actually mean anything.

He hadn't even told Liam. He'd wanted to, desperately, but it felt too revealing, felt like he shouldn't. What was there to tell, anyway?

"I've liked Niall for probably years now and we finally kissed and _shockingly_ it didn't make dealing with my feelings easier at all"?

He knows what Liam would've said: "Oh. Well, how does Niall feel about it? You should talk to him about it, Lou," and other sort of unhelpful earnest nonsense.

Louis's phone buzzes with a new message from Harry.

_You should probably talk to Niall about it._

Louis considers throwing his phone across the room.

_are you in cahoots with liam???_ he asks.

_No? What do you mean?_

_I can't talk to him about it,_ Louis says. _we're both ignoring it so it doesn't make things awkward for the band, obvs!_

_Nick says communication is important in a relationship._

_tell nick to go fuck himself_

_I told him you think he's going to be fantastic on X Factor instead. He says thank you._

Louis rolls his eyes. They all think Nick will be great on X Factor—Niall keeps randomly bringing it up whenever Harry mentions Nick. That's not exactly the topic of conversation right now, though.

_stop talking up your boyfriend and help me!_

_I am helping you!_ Harry says. Louis can imagine him pouting at his phone. _Nick says that he gets it's scary, but you just have to go for it. He says he knows from experience._

Louis frowns and calls Harry.

"I'm not on speaker phone, am I?" he asks when Harry picks up.

"Of course not," Harry says. "Nick's in the kitchen making us lunch anyway. Do you want to say hi to Pig?"

Louis ignores him. "What do you think I'm going to say?" he asks.

"What?" Harry asks.

"You both keeping telling me to go talk to Niall. What do you think I'm going to say?"

"Well," Harry says. "That you like him, obviously."

Louis presses his knuckles against his eyes.

"He pretended like it hadn't happened," he says. "The kiss, I mean. I just didn't want to lose him just because I was stupid and drunk."

There's a pause on Harry's side. "You should really go talk to him about it," Harry says eventually.

Louis wraps an arm around his waist. "Harry."

"You won't lose him," Harry says. "Like, whatever happens, you won't lose him."

"Do you think so?"

"I promise," Harry says. There's shouting in the background.

"What's that?" Louis asks.

"Nick's telling you to stop being a coward and get on with it," Harry says. "No, I'm joking. He wants me to help him with the food. Go talk to Niall."

"If it all goes to shit then I'm blaming you," Louis says.

"That means if it goes well I get the credit for it, ha!" Harry says. "Got to go, bye!"

Louis stares at his phone after he's hung up. He worries at is lip, then comes to a decision and sends Liam a text.

_I kissed Niall like a month ago and I'm about to go and confess my feelings to him. On a scale of 1 to fucking 100000x how bad an idea is this?_

He gets up and paces around, waiting for Liam to get back to him. He almost drops his phone when it starts ringing.

"You suck for not telling me earlier," Liam says immediately.

"I didn't tell anyone!" Louis says.

"Niall told Harry."

"How the fuck do you know that?" Louis asks.

"Harry told me, didn't he," Liam says.

"I can't believe you knew," Louis says. "And you didn't say anything?"

"Well, I wasn't supposed to know, was I?" Liam asks.

"Well, if I had _known_ you knew then maybe I would've told you!"

There's a pause. "That didn't make any sense."

Louis sighs. "Liam. I'm sorry I didn't tell you. Please help me."

"You're doing fine," Liam says.

Louis splutters. "I'm not doing fine!"

"You said you were going to go tell him how you feel," Liam says. "That's good! Go do that!"

"You're so unhelpful," Louis groans.

"Listen, I get it," Liam says. "You're scared. Now go do it."

"Why does everyone keep saying I'm scared?"

"Because feelings are scary," Liam says. "Who's everyone?"

"Harry and Nick."

"Nick knows?" Liam asks, sounding betrayed.

"Well obviously if Harry knows then Nick knows, god," Louis says. "I didn't tell them!"

"Alright," Liam grumbles. "But you know you could've told me, right?"

"Of course I do," Louis says. "Shut up. The point is, I'm not scared of feelings. That's ridiculous." 

He knows how he feels about Niall. It's not scary. It's a bit tiring, sometimes, feeling that strongly about someone without much hope it'll be returned. But it's not scary. It's Niall. It comes naturally, in a way. Louis can't imagine not feeling the way he does anymore. Niall's one of his best friends. Louis is sort of a bit in love with him. It's just the way it is.

"What are you scared of, then?" Liam asks.

Louis takes in a deep breath. "What if I tell him and it goes terribly?"

"It's Niall," Liam says. "It won't."

"But what if," Louis says. "What if he doesn't feel the same?"

"Then at least you'll know," Liam says gently. "But I don't think that's how it's going to go. And even then you'll still be friends."

Louis takes a deep breath. He trusts Liam's opinion. After all, Liam knows he's the one Louis will come crying to if it all goes horribly wrong.

"How's he doing anyway?" Liam asks. "Is he feeling okay?"

"Oh, yeah," Louis says. "He got a bit worse during the night, but his fever broke in the morning, and he seems a lot better now. Was making us toast for breakfast."

"Aw," Liam says. "That's our Nialler."

"Yeah," Louis says. "Well, I should probably, uh. Go and check on him?"

"Yes," Liam says. "Definitely. Go do that."

"Right," Louis says. He swallows hard. "Liam—"

"I'm hanging up now," Liam says, and then actually hangs up on him. Louis pouts at the phone, affronted.

He does feel better after talking to Harry and Liam, though. There's hope bubbling inside of him again, making his insides feel all wriggly.

Maybe this time things will actually work out.

~

Louis makes Niall and himself a cup of tea while trying to gather up his courage. Then he finds Niall some juice in case he'd like that instead. Then he gets him some digestives in case he's gotten hungry again, but can't stomach anything heavier right now. Then he has to find a tray, because he can't carry it all. Once he's done all that he stands around Niall's kitchen for a bit, feeling vaguely sick with nerves.

Then he realises that the tea is probably getting cold so it's basically now or never.

He piles everything onto the tray and walks up to Niall's bedroom. He stands around, deliberating between knocking and quietly sneaking in.

Both are kind of hard to manage with a tray, so he ends up knocking with his foot and then elbowing the door open.

Niall's sitting up in bed, looking confused.

"I thought you were asleep," Louis says.

"I thought you were going to go home," Niall says.

"Um," Louis says. "No. I'm—I got you tea. Or juice. And digestives? If you'd like?"

"Huh," Niall says. "Thank you."

Louis carefully sets the tray down on Niall's bedside table. "The tea's probably gone cold. Or just about, sorry. I can go heat it up if you want?"

"That's fine," Niall says. He picks up the glass of juice. Louis congratulates himself on his ingenuity. "Thought you'd have gone by now."

"Yeah, well," Louis says. "I didn't."

Niall hums. "Why?"

"Why did you tell Harry about the kiss?" Louis asks.

Niall's eyes go wide for a second, before he schools his expression back to neutral.

"Sorry," Louis says. "I didn't mean to just, uh, blurt it out. Can I sit or something?"

Niall pulls his knees closer to his chest. "Sure."

Louis sits down at the foot of the bed, fiddling with the sleeves of his hoodie. He should have picked up his tea so he'd at least have something to do with his hands.

"How are you feeling?" he asks. "I thought you were resting."

Niall shrugs. "Couldn't sleep." His face looks guarded. Louis didn't mean to do that.

"Do you need something?" he asks. "Paracetamol?"

Niall shakes his head. "No, I'm good."

"Good," Louis says. "That's good. Okay, so. Why did you tell Harry?"

"Are you, like, angry at me because I did, or?" Niall asks, looking unsure.

"No!" Louis, and scoots closer to Niall on the bed. "No, of course not. Just curious, I suppose. I mean, I sort of assumed you at least remembered it happened. Like it felt like you did? But then neither of us mentioned it, and, I don't know. Sometimes I almost felt like I'd made the whole thing up."

Niall blinks. "I thought you didn't want to talk about it."

"Well," Louis says. "I mean, I wasn't _opposed_ to talking about it?"

"Then why didn't you?" Niall asks.

"Well, I thought you didn't want to," Louis says. "Obviously. And I didn't want to fuck anything up." He looks down and pulls at a thread in his trackie bottoms. "I thought I'd fucked it up. Like, us."

Niall is quiet for a while. "I thought it was a joke," he says eventually. "Like, because we were both drunk and all. I thought we'd laugh about it in the morning."

"Oh," Louis says. His stomach hurts. Probably from all the toasties.

"But then you didn't laugh about it," Niall says. "And I thought you—I didn't want to be the one to bring it up and make it awkward. I thought—" He cuts himself off abruptly.

When Louis looks up Niall's staring at his hands, tearing at a hangnail. Louis wants to gently take his hand, and make him stop. He looks all nervous and sad.

Louis takes a deep breath, remembers what Harry and Liam said, and asks, "You thought what?"

Niall shrugs. "I thought I'd been too obvious."

Louis's heart leaps. "Obvious?" he asks, clenching his hands into fists.

Niall rolls his eyes, and wraps his arms around himself. "About how much I liked it. Kissing you."

Louis is going to punch himself in the face. Then he's going to gently tap Niall on the forehead and then snog him senseless.

"Jesus fucking Christ," he says. "I've been thinking about kissing you for _ages_."

Niall looks up at that, clearly startled. "What? No."

"Yes," Louis says. "Like, ages. And then I thought I'd fucked it all up by being drunk and stupid, but you didn't say anything, and I didn't want to, like, lose you, or whatever."

"What?" Niall asks. "Why would you—what?"

Louis shrugs. "I just didn't want to make it weird, you know? Have that whole thing where you'd have to turn me down and then I'd have to go live in a cave or something. Or, like, have you stop speaking to me." He makes a self-deprecating face. "You're sort of pretty important to me, so."

Niall's still just staring at him.

"This is the part where you share your feelings," Louis says helpfully. His hands are maybe shaking a bit.

Niall blinks slowly. "I—uh."

"Maybe just a hint on whether your reaction is, uh, positive?" Louis asks, holding his thumbs up.

Niall chokes out a sudden laugh. "Fuck," he says. "I've liked you for so long."

Louis grins, his stomach swooping. "Really?"

"Yeah, obviously," Niall says. He ducks his head. "I thought it was obvious."

"I mean," Louis says. "If it helps then I thought it was obvious that you liked me as a person? Which is pretty great on its own, to be fair."

Niall laughs again, the sound lighter now. "Yeah, I do."

"But you also liked kissing me," Louis says. "Just to clarify."

"I fucking loved it," Niall says. Louis can't stop grinning. "I couldn't believe—I'd thought about that for so long."

Louis scoots closer to him on the bed. "Same."

Niall stretches out one leg, his body seeming a lot more relaxed. "I thought you'd figured out that I liked you, but you were being really nice about it or something."

Louis shakes his head. "I honestly had no clue."

Niall's expression is soft. "Wow," he says. "You're really oblivious, then."

"Hey," Louis says, and shoves Niall's shoulder. "What does that make you, then?"

Niall shrugs. He's still smiling. Louis feels like he'll start laughing and never stop.

"So, like, cards on the table," Louis says. "I like you. You like me?" Niall nods. "I definitely want to kiss you again. Multiple times, I'd say."

"Yep," Niall says. "Sounds about right, that."

"Brilliant," Louis says, and leans in.

"Wait," Niall says, ducking away.

"Um," Louis says, freezing. "Rude."

Niall laughs. "You'll get sick," he says. "Don't want to mess up your voice."

Louis grumbles, but sits back. "Tease."

"Fuck off," Niall says, laughing.

"Horrible tease," Louis says. "Oh, you're sick? Yeah, right, what, did you have a fever just last night?"

Niall laughs even louder. Fuck, but Louis loves making him laugh. "It was pretty high," he says. "And to be fair my head still hurts a bit."

Louis makes a sympathetic noise, and touches his fingers to Niall's temple. He's allowed, now. Well, it's not like he was exactly able to stop himself before, considering it never seemed to bother Niall, but now it's different. Now he doesn't have to worry about being found out and ruining everything.

"How's your chest feeling?" he asks, toying with a strand of Niall's hair. "Do you want me to warm up your tea for you?" 

"It's better," Niall says. He yawns wide. "Think I'll sleep, actually."

"Oh, am I boring you?" Louis asks.

Niall rolls his eyes, still smiling. Louis leans in, brushes his hair away, and presses a kiss to Niall's forehead.

"What the hell was that?" Niall asks, laughing as Louis pulls back.

"You looked kissable," Louis says. "Your forehead doesn't have germs, does it?"

"You're probably exposed already," Niall says, a hint of worry in his voice.

Louis shrugs. "I'll live," he says. In any case, he can wait to properly snog Niall again. Just a little while longer. "Do you want a cuddle? A proper Tommo cuddle is on offer."

"Well, I can't turn down one of those, can I?" Niall asks, his eyes warm.

"It might even have healing powers," Louis says. "Go on, lie down."

He jumps off the bed and lets Niall wriggle down under the duvet again. He climbs back on and settles on top of the covers, curling his body around Niall's.

Niall lets out a contented sigh when Louis wraps an arm around his waist. "Think I'll just kip for a bit."

"Yeah, of course," Louis says. "Are you sure you don't need me to get you paracetamol and some water?"

"No," Niall says. "I'm good for now."

"Okay," Louis says. He rests his nose against the nape of Niall's neck, feeling more calm than he has in a while.

He'll have to text Harry and Liam later. And Lottie, too. Harry will brag. Lottie will definitely brag. They'll all be chuffed for them. (He'll probably end up telling Zayn, too. He figures Zayn knew, long before the others. He could tell from the way Zayn sometimes looked at him. He thinks Zayn will be pleased for them, too.)

He tightens his arm around Niall's waist and sighs happily.

"Hey," he says. "You asleep yet?"

"No," Niall says. "Why?"

"I was thinking," Louis says. "Do you want to come to Glastonbury with me next Friday?"

Niall shifts a little in his arms. "Glastonbury?"

"Yeah," Louis says. "I was going to ask you anyway, really. But now I guess it'd be like, a date, you know? Or something? I don't know."

Niall cranes his neck to look back at him. "A date?" he asks, grinning.

"Yeah," Louis says. "Glasto date."

"Yeah," Niall says. "Yeah, I definitely want to come."

"Great," Louis says. "Great. You know, James Bay is playing on Friday."

Niall makes a happy noise and turns back around. "That's perfect, then."

"Yeah," Louis says, and presses a kiss to his shoulder. "Perfect."


End file.
